I feel like I fell into the Sky

I feel like such a well organized mess right now. It is strange really.

When I am depressed or feel terrible, life for me seems to be so easy. So simple. Almost as if the more pathetic I feel, the more my life becomes seemingly effortless. The beginning of this year was Hell for me. I was sick all the time, I felt worthless, and I was just this miserable shell going from place to place. But at horrible as I felt, everything went my way. There were no class projects, no homework, no miserable people toward me, and it was like I had it so easy.

But now, I have stepped in to the mirror. I feel great. I have been working out and have kick @$$ legs and have been toning my body. I have loads and loads of energy. I feel like I am a model and the world is my catwalk. And since I feel great, it is like my world is a mess almost. I’m finding out that because I walk with my head held high, people are saying that I think I am the sh*t and that I think I am above everyone else. I have class work like no other and it is all busy work. Most of my teachers are treating me like some ignorant child that needs everything spelt out.

It is so strange. I know that it is not total opposites, it is not Nathan Feels Terrible=World Is Wonderful, and Nathan Feels Wonderful=The World Is Terrible. But since it is all so exaggerated, it feels like that is how it really is.

There are some great things going for me right now though. I got a job and I start training tomorrow. I am so excited because I actually love to work. I have been making some great friends. I have gained so many skills and so much respect from my better teachers.

I don’t know really how else to explain it. I feel like I am older than everyone else when I am acting my own age. I feel like an outcast when I am being myself. I feel like a freak when I live my own life!!