I am a theatre major. I love to act and I love to be on stage. I am really excited because I am taking a class with a teacher that will actually make me stop “acting” and start “becoming”. You have no idea how thrilled I am.
He’s even been just name dropping all the big stars and casting directors and movie directors he’s worked with. Basically he thinks he’s the sh*t and actually…he kinda is. (as much as that actually pains me to admit about him…)
This is where things start to get to my point. My department held auditions and call backs last week. I auditioned and felt so strong and like I really did well. I was not called back. I was hurt and felt like total shi*t, but then the next day I was like, “Eh, F*ck it. I don’t really give a damn anymore.”
But, I decided to make this a learning opportunity. I emailed the director with the questions of, “What did I do well?” “What did I not do well?” “What should I do to actually be called back?”. I figured that I have huge respect for her, I think she respects me very much, and she actually knows me as a person and actor-I will get a truly honest, thought out, and respectful answer.
I gave her the 3 day weekend to think it all over and then I talked to her today. We had a nice and somewhat long conversation, but I will short hand it. Basically, I am a great gay guy, but I have trouble separating “Gay-Nathan” from “Character”. Other than that, it was basically a good audition, but if I want to do movement-intensive characters…I need some movement classes.
I swear, I feared going and talking to her. But she was still amazing about everything and she gave me some great advice. She is one of my favorite teachers of all time.
Now back to the first teacher I talked about. I am going to take him aside one day, very soon and say, “Look, as long as everything you say is 100% constructive, you have free rein, you can be as blunt or tactful as you deem necessary, and you have free range when it comes to my critiques…as long as it is going to help make me better.” I also will say something along the lines of, “And when I am on stage acting, shoot down any unnecessary gay that comes through in the character.”
I have my challenge for this year and my future as an actor. Basically, I can take on any role and kick @$$, but I make it a gay character. Now it is time to become the character and leave myself behind when I step on to the stage. Oh dear. ;)
You know what though? I will rock this class and I will own the next auditions. I will be cast. And you know what is actually kind of funny? One of the plays next semester is actually a cast of 4 (2 males and 2 females). Both the males are actually gay characters. (!!!YES!!!I AM PERFECT!!!)
Haha.
Now…what can any of you think of to make me go from (what I thought was a semi-straight acting) gay man to a believable straighie?
Eew…so now I have to put my body back in the closet…
Thanks for reading my venting and my goal and my question.
5 comments:
Quite contrary to a decent actor, we singers are typecast from birth--if you're a Tenor, you'll do the hero and martyr, if you're a Baritone, you're either a tormented Baroque protagonist or a support role, and if you're a Bass, you're either God, the Devil or you flash onstage to sing the bad news and that's it. Actors, however, need much more shapeshifting.
I've only taken a few acting workshops, and I certainly don't know as much as you, but I figure that in all arts and crafts, especially those involving the body, less is more during the composition process. Try this exercise: When you're beginning the planning of your character, try as much as you can, to the best of your ability (and this is something that improves with time), to begin from ground zero. Blank canvas. Silence. Body, voice and face without ANY expression, even though full of life and potential. Just relaxation, attention and nothingness. From there, totally relaxed, blank, silent and inexpressive, begin to invite only what belongs to the character, nothing else. I mean, NOTHING. Do this in front of the mirror or to a videocamera. Or, if you're lucky enough to have one live, a trusted friend. Bit by bit, you're putting into the character you're creating only what he has in his nature. It's ultimate self-control and a sublime form of meditation, and I believe this is the reason why the Arts can be such a rewarding spiritual path. But the more you do it, the better you will do it. Conscience and awareness are like razors that can be sharpened to cut more easily, accurately and with less pain.
Maybe you prefer the sith approach: rampant passion, intuition and just letting whatever blooms and overflood to the audience. Or even, I may be ridiculous to offer such naïve advice to an obvious genious like you, but I really believe in beginning from Silence. That's why we begin to study Song with Renaissance lute songs.
But in any case, I'll check back this blog to see what you have to say about my input. So please, reply ;)
I have actually started to get back in to an old "past time" of mine. I have actually started to people watch again. Sometimes, I think it looks creepy to just have this random stranger just sitting and watching people, so I don my big sunglasses and bring whatever book my fingers touch first.
It’s really amazing to see how much I am able to learn by watching people. I first started it as a form of research to discover what “straight” looks like. I learned the walk or a straight guy.
There are 3: The Box, The Overstep, and The Switch Off. I looked at the legs, the arms, the necks, the heads, and everything in between. Instead of checking out every guy that crossed my eyes, I turned them in to my research lab mice. In other locations, I looked at the way they sit. That’s an entire new book on that subject.
But when I was watching these guys, my eyes and mind just branched out and started to watch and study every person that I saw. I watched everyone from the awkward hermit looking guy to the straight couple to the former Prom Queen.
Next, I plan on listening. I swear, I am a mocking bird. If I listen to something or someone long enough, I can almost mimic the sound perfectly. But, there are some people that I don’t stand a chance at. *shivers*
What started as a “What Does Straight Really Look Like?” became a “What do People Look Like?” God I love being an actor!
I like the idea of starting from nothing and then slowly adding little by little. It just sounds so simple, but actually is something that’s complex and takes practice. I mean, if you look at the most grand and glorious buildings, wedding cakes, paintings, outfits, and so on…they all started as nothing. It takes time, but little by little, one thing gets added at a time and then you are gazing at this work of art. I like it.
I think I am a combination of the blank slate and the sith in some ways. I like to get the script and the lines and memorize them first. But just as lines. Then I like to look at them again and see what they feel, what they say, and how and why they exist. Then I like to add the emotions and the feelings. Something I recently learned was to look for the “obligations” the character has.
So as one of my teachers likes to say, “I am going to do the work.”
You know, this book I'm currently devouring, W. A. Mathieu's "The Listening Book", could be a fine tuner for actors, too. What I have in mind here in this case, is just ditching the blabbering mind, concentrating in the now moment, in the Shunyata (nothingness), and then let the Supernova be born from the blank blackness.
Listen to straight men speak. But don't pay attention to the stereotype. Sharpen your senses while you do that. I've been sharpening mine, and Gods, I'm on fire for the brand new life I've just been born to!
It all comes from Shunyata. I'm convinced of that now.
You know, I constantly get "You must have taken choir" over and over again. If I hear a pitch or a pattern, I can start to mimic it.
I sometimes find myself listening to people and thinking, "Wow, that sounds really cool." Then the more I focus, I almost feel like all the tubes and muscles and cavities are rearranging themselves. It's really cool cause if I listen long enough and hard enough, I can *almost* do any voice with practice.
Based on what I was told though, they know that I can almost do anything with my voice. I mean, they have heard everything from demon to old man to a high pitched, Jewish, smoker lady. My biggest challenge is controlling my body, but making it look effortless and natural.
For that, that is my challenge. See, the biggest problem is when actors think. (Hehe, not just cause it hurts us) But when an actor is thinking, he or she starts to fall out of the created reality and back into the real world. If I am focusing too much on what my body is doing, then my mind starts to wander off to fearing if I am saying the right lines and so on.
But the sad thing is, I know (and I wish they did) that if I was cast in a play, I would do all the work necessary to make my character as real as I am.
But, why take a chance when you have the norm to chain you down?
I'll just take my freedom any day.
(P.S. There is going to be another blog sometime soon of me...*bitching* about the "family" that is my theatre department.)
(P.P.S. I am almost tempted even to divulge my Book of Secrets to the World Wide Web...but they haven't pushed me that far...yet)
(P.P.S.S.*or whatever it is supposed to be* Where is the "Evil Laugh" sound effect when you need it?
Ooh, the mind. It's supposed to help you in life, but it can ruin any work you intend to do. Welcome to the club.
I'm really glad I'm attending to that gay meditation group. It's crucial to be an artist to be present in the Now-Here.
I'll keep an eye on your stuff for your Book of Secrets. I did tell you I gave up on Theatre because of the group thing, didn't I?? Creepy.
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